50 Shades of Green

Hey everyone!

Here's another little update about life here in Fort Collins for those of you that have been wondering what's been going on!

Pam and I have still been working away in the garden, and everything is really starting to pop with the rising temperatures. All but two of our beds are planted now, and those that we planted in my first few weeks here are now brimming with life (see following photos). I recently left for five days to go to Omaha for a graduation and wedding and came back to find that everything had grown seemingly five inches or so! Of course all of the weeds are taking advantage of the beautiful weather as well, and I've been pulling them left and right like a mad woman. (Actually, the only thing that keeps me sane in this task is the thought that if one day we humans completely destroy the planet, at least we can count on weeds to grow and provide some sort of green ecosystem. There's no doubt in my mind that the prized plant Eva found in the movie WallE was assuredly what we would now consider a weed.) :P

But going back to the happy stuff—we currently have all of the following planted: Arugula, Spinach, Bok Choy, Swiss Chard, Radishes, Lettuce, Chives, Red and Yukon Gold Potatoes, a variety of Tomatoes, Broccoli, Broccoli Rabb, 3 types of Onions, Bunching Onions, Leeks, Kohlrabi, Cucumbers, a few types of Peppers, Red and Green Cabbage, Sweet Corn, Popcorn, Kale, Red and Golden Beets, a variety of Winter and Summer Squash, Pumpkins, 2 types of Melons, 3 types of Carrots, Parsnips, Red and White Turnips, Eggplant, 3 types of Beans, Peas, and a variety of Herbs (Basil, Parsley, Oregano, Thyme, Rosemary, Cilantro, Sage).

Yikes! I think that's it… All of that on less than a fourth of an acre! We start delivering to the 25 families signed up for Pam's CSA tomorrow, and it looks like the first 7 items on the list I just mentioned will be in their boxes, fresh and ready to eat.

It really is exciting to see it all grow, and despite the early wake up time for picking (5 AM), I'm excited for that, too! I'll let you know more about how that goes later.

--

I've also been fortunate to experience another side of the struggle to make the environment and human population a healthier one! Pam's friend Julie recently started a small program called The Food School in Fort Collins. Basically every other Thursday, Julie and two other women accompany a second grade class from Olander Elementary to a local CSA called Spring Kite Farms. There they have activities for the kids in which they learn more about where food comes from, how it grows, and who grows it. They are hoping that over time, they can build a stronger connection between the children and the sources of their food while also educating them on better nutrition and better ways to care for the environment. Such a cool, wonderful idea! I was able to attend the last 2 sessions before school got out for the summer, and I could already see the kids learning. For example, last time I was helping at a station where the students learned how to make hummus. At the beginning, a few different children stated that they would not be eating the final product because they assumed it to be gross. But by the end, every one of them changed their mind, and the majority went up for seconds and thirds! It was really exciting to see these kids expanding their food bubble to include more than just ice cream and chicken nuggets.

--

One more thing—I got a part time job! I start on Tuesday, and I'm actually really excited, as its mission is right up my alley. It's called LoCo Food Distribution. Basically they take locally grown and produced foods and bring them to businesses like grocery stores, coffee shops, and restaurants in the immediate area. This way they can distribute local foods to local institutions in a way that is more convenient and efficient for both parties. Such an interesting idea! I am starting out with only 10-20 hours a week, and my job would just be to deliver the food to the customers, but I think it will bring me some new experience, and I'm interested to see how local foods can be provided to people on a little bit larger of a scale than Pam's operation.

I suppose that's about it in my food world up here in FoCo.
Hope all is well with you all! Feel free to send me a message with what you've been up to also!
Thanks for reading.
-Jana

  

New Adventures

A few people wanted an update, so here it is!

I wake up to the sound of a robin throwing itself against my window. Either this bird wakes up suicidal every morning and decides that blunt-force trauma is the best way to kill itself or it just sees its reflection and decides to fight off the unwanted male in his territory. Either way, I must say that this bird doesn't give up! My new alarm clock has become the banging and fluttering of this silly red-breasted bird against the glass. (By the way, you can hit snooze by throwing a pillow towards it.)

But my interaction with the world outside only begins here.

After my morning wake up call, I put on the same pair of jeans and possibly the same shirt I wore the previous day and head upstairs for a bowl of granola (or on Saturdays homemade poppy seed waffles topped with honey and frozen raspberries and peaches from last year's harvest…YUM!).

Then Pam and I head outside to the garden…(for despite my deep love of good beer, the garden is actually the REAL reason I am living here in Ft. Collins for the next few months)... I came here to work with Pam and learn everything there is to know about soil, plants, organic gardening, and selling to people locally. I wanted some hands-on experience with an alternative to the large, mono-crop growing, pesticide-filling, long-distance shipping methods of traditional US agriculture today. Little did I know that I would also be learning how to burn tumble weeds, take care of egg-laying hens, horse-sit, and even deliciously cook! There are so many opportunities for learning and growing here, and everywhere I look, something else is fascinating me.

But anyway…Pam and I go out to the garden. We dig, we plant, we water. We talk, and I learn so many new little bits of things! And then there are also times when we don't talk. We silently listen to the beautiful calls of meadowlarks. We watch an earthworm wriggling in the compost. Every once in awhile I look up at the towering mountains in the distance. Everything is beautiful. Often I feel like I'm on a retreat. I don't have to worry about what I should say or what I look like. There are things to do, but we aren't necessarily in any hurry. I can just be happy, little me and go along at my slow, steady, Thich Nhat Hanh pace. I truly enjoy spending my days here connected with myself and with nature.

And yet, let me just clarify that it isn't all perfect and glamorous. The work can be strenuous, I tend to be dirty more than I am clean, my hands and lips are continually chapped (as nature can also be ruthlessly dry, cold, and windy), and I pull so many weeds that boldly just come back tomorrow.

It's not all easy, but I really think that I need all this. I need to be here and I need to learn these things...for not just myself but for the world (or at least the U.S.). Yes, it is all very different from my previous life in Managua, and yes, I do miss it and everyone there still so much, but I am also so thankful for this new opportunity to grow and change the world in a little different way.

I'm including a few pictures too! : )

The beginning bed prep

compost area

Planted peas and turnips

Planted carrots and radishes

The Cold Frame (opened)

Arugula and Lettuce!

Broccoli (under milk jugs for protection ha)

Green and Red Cabbage

Bok Choy

Purple Asparagus!

Tomatos and Peppers growing inside still

the Hen House

clear view from the house

Beautiful!

Easter tulips

2 Years

Any attempt to describe and sum up two years of life in a few words would be no less than a crazy, troll-sized, casi-impossible task for anyone. Personally, for me to tell about my last 2 years of living here in Managua, Nicaragua, I’m not even sure if I could do it if I were given 3 hours. And yet, I know the time will come when I am asked, “How was Nicaragua!?” --Ehh. Uhh….It was hard? It was beautiful?

It’s not that I dread or hate the question…I’m just not really sure what all to share!

How do I talk about Nicaragua and this whole new chapter of my life and identity to everyone?
Would they be described as the two years where I learned to speak and listen in Spanish? The two years I spent every Monday-Friday from 8-5 volunteering at ProyectoGenerando Vida? The two years I experienced what it’s like to live outside the United States?

Yes to all of the above.
And yet so, so much more…

They were the two years I learned to deal with sweltering heat and yet was obligated to wear pants. The two years I learned to ride on crowded public transportation.The two years I lost 15 pounds on our mainly rice/beans/vegetables/fresh fruits diet.

They were the two years I came to love chicharrón (fried pig skin). The two years I listened to Carlos Mejia-Godoy, Guardabaranco, and Calle 13 songs on repeat. The two years I trekked through some of the most beautiful beaches, lakes, rivers, waterfalls, mountains, and volcanos that I’ve ever seen.

They were the two years I didn’t have a cellphone. The two years I learned to wash a shirt without a machine. The two years I read 36 books. The two years I learned to sit, be, and enjoy the company of others.

They were the two years I lived in a house with various other loving women, each beautiful and amazing in her own way. The two years I learned the importance and necessity of interdependence and intentional convivencia (communal living). The two years I learned to share joyfully.

They were the two years I learned to fail and keep going. The two years I learned to be more loving and patient with myself. The two years I found my voice and practiced how to use it non-violently.

They were the two years I learned how to work in micro-lending. The two years I formed relationships of confianza (trust) with my coworkers and over 350 women. The two years I heard and witnessed the many injustices that people (especially women) in this world face. The two years I received more hugs than the rest of my life combined.

My life here has been all this and more. It has pushed me, taught me, held me, loved me, made me cry, made me question, made me laugh, and in the end transformed me. Maybe not in a big, Hollywood way, but in many small ways that matter.Thank you Nicaragua for all the beauty and struggle that you have shown me—that which exists within me, those around me, and in the world. May we continue to move forward together always.

(I also want to thank everyone who has supported me and kept in contact with me during my time here, whether it be by reading this blog, being my pen pal, calling to chat, or sending facebook messages/emails. It is such a relief to know that I am going back to people in the U.S. who have basically already heard my story—people who already know so much about how my past two years of life have been. Thank you for making this transition easier for me.)

Alcohol Injustice

Recently I saw a man lying in the dirt near the project where I work. I assumed him drunk as it’s not the first time I’ve seen this occur. But today was a little different. Today there was a mother. I watched as his elderly and in pain mother slowly walked up to where he lay. She bent down close and put her hand on his face to see if he was still alive. I felt her pain in those first few moments of uncertainty as we held our breaths hoping that he would show some small movement or sign of life. After a few gentle taps, he stirred a bit. Assured and relieved, she hobbled off but didn’t stay away long. She came back with a cup and a pan, both filled with water. She tried to make him drink, feeding him the water with a plastic spoon. Then she carefully poured some of the pan water on his head and feet, attempting to clean off the dust and grime. With the help of another very drunk man, they moved him underneath a tree a few yards away. Probably feeling that she had done all that she could do for the moment, she left him there in the shade to sleep. Later I saw some kids from the barrio trying to pee on him… 

This was not my first interaction with an overly drunk man in this country. I probably haven’t gone a single day without experiencing the horrible abuses of alcohol that happen all around me here. Just to get to work each morning I have to walk past a corner where I’m almost guaranteed at 7:45am to see at least two very drunk men. Once I saw a couple of women dragging a passed out, drunk relative from the street into their house. Another time I found a very drunk man outside the project who had fallen and was bleeding from the head. A different morning we found out that one of the regular drinkers from the barrio, a brother of one of the bank women, had died overnight due to cirrhosis of the liver. We also have a man named Balbino who is experiencing homelessness and who very often comes to our house drunk and asking for food.

I know that all of these things happen in the US, but never in my life have I been so surrounded by it all. Seeing it brings me a mix of emotions: sadness, frustration, anger, disgust, and nervousness. I often want to shake these men awake and yell, ¨Stop dong this to yourself and your family!¨ But I know that the cure is not that easy. The sadness tugs at me as I wonder what all these men have suffered in their lives to warrant this drastic form of self-depletion. It could be the not-so-distant wars that were fought here or the prevalent physical and verbal abuse. It could be the failed relationships or the unmedicated mental illnesses. Or maybe it could be the lack of quality education or even the fact that they can´t find a decent paying job. It is possible that it is a combination of many or all of them as well.

Seeing the human dignity in a very drunken person in the street can be a difficult task, and despite my own efforts, I still often have a hard time treating these men with kindness. But at a team prayer this year, many of my coworkers expressed that these men may be the prostitutes and lepers of our society today.   Maybe we should start treating them the way Jesus (or the mother in my first story) would—with love and compassion.

Race

The other day I was sitting on the bus (yay a seat!) coming home from work, and I saw a girl get on. She was tall and had dark skin, and pretty much every Nicaraguan I know would (admittedly or not) take one look and label her as someone from the Atlantic coast. (The two coasts of Nicaragua tend to have very stereotypically different physical appearances.) And maybe they are right—maybe she was born there. But as I sat there studying her, I found myself thinking…I wonder what would her race be? Would she be Black? African? Hispanic? Afro-Caribbean? If I were to describe her as “African-looking” what African would I actually be referring to? Surely there is more than one type of African look.

So then I got really confused. What exactly IS race? It seemed to me that some race labels are related to where the person is from while others are simply colors. (Pacific Coast Islander and Indian vs. White and Black) That made no sense to me. If it is based off the person’s culture or where s/he is from, then wouldn’t a person’s nationality or ethnicity suffice? If it is based off color, then there would be way more choices than just white or black. If it takes into account facial features, what happens if you have a combination of different ones or if the facial features and the skin color don’t match the archetypical description? There are some people I know who have pretty light skin, yet they would not consider themselves “White.”  What would a person of mixed races be? Do we have to choose only one?

The whole idea of race really doesn’t make much sense to me. I would so much rather know where my ancestors came from geographically and culturally than know what specific physical traits they passed to me. And if people need to describe me by my skin color, I would definitely not call myself white…it would probably more of a light tan at the moment.

I’m honestly at the point of never filling out the race category on any future form that asks me…

But while I may think the idea of race sounds ridiculous, there is no doubting that there are enough people who accept it as a truth that it is actually a reality in the world. For instance, the idea of race in Nicaragua plays a big role in human interactions and relationships. From what I have experienced (please, please anyone correct me if I´m wrong…I know I´ve been here almost 2 years but I´m not an expert.), people tend to mainly recognize the following races: Foreign White, Atlantic Coast Black, Chinese, Indigenous, and Mestizo (Mix). Foreign White tends to describe anyone that has very light skin, big eyes, a small nose, and very often lighter hair. (The idea of a darker-skinned foreigner is hardly if ever recognized.) Atlantic Coast Black would describe someone with very dark skin, dark hair, very tall, and more built. Chinese refers to basically anyone with smaller eyes. Indigenous refers to various groups of people with brown skin and dark hair who have been living in Nicaragua and following their own traditions since before the conquistadors. Everyone else seems to just fall under the Mestizo category—brownish skin and dark hair (although it varies).

Mestizo tends to be the majority in the area of Nicaragua where I am. As the dominate race, there is a freedom and acceptance that exists for those that are a part of it. It is seen as normal. If you ever see a tourist brochure depicting the “traditional” Nicaragua, you will most likely see this group of people represented. However, despite the freedom, there does seem to be the feeling that people from this group would prefer lighter skin…(At least I personally have heard a lot of comments along these lines.)

The Indigenous population tends to be pretty small, and unfortunately not much of their original roots has survived. Many people relate to them as an important part of the history, culture, and identity of Nicaragua, but in the present day affairs they often tend to get overlooked or pushed aside.

People associated with the Foreign White race tend to be associated with good qualities. They are seen as beautiful, trustworthy, and financially wealthy. It would seem that despite all the horrible things that lighter-skinned people have done here in the past, their good reputation is incorruptible. I have personally benefited from this bias on a few occasions, although I try my best to avoid this as much possible. For example, even though I´m not a student, I can get into the UCA (the big Jesuit university) simply by saying I have an appointment with someone, whereas other Mestizo-looking, non-students have told me that the guards ask a lot of questions, and then they have to leave a form of identification at the door. It is also very easy for me to get ride if I ever hitchhike anywhere.

On the other hand, people associated with Atlantic Coast Black are many times treated warily. Even though they technically come from the same country, their dress, language, religion, dance, food, and other traditions tend to be distinct, and I think due to little interaction with and understanding of these differences, there exists some fear and negative sentiments towards them. A coworker explained to me that even their physical stature can create these feelings, as they tend to be a lot bigger and taller than the Mestizo population.

Then there are the people put in the Chinese category. Again there does not seem to be a great understanding of this group of people. They are seen as very smart, but also often mean, stingy, and even ugly. This racial label is very frustrating for it tends to group all Asian backgrounds together. Someone I know here who was born and raised in the U.S. but who has Korean roots expressed how difficult it was to be labeled this way by so many people.

In the end, all of these perceptions are harmful. We cannot allow made up racial categories to determine how we view and treat other people. They may be quick, easy ways to label and organize people in our heads, but they never do justice to the people we are sorting. They assume often incorrect information about others. Even those sentiments that seem positive (thinking that foreign white people are beautiful and trustworthy) can be hurtful, as they tend to put these people on a high pedestal and create an inequality. As flattering as it may initially sound to hear that my skin is beautiful, I always cringe. I know that what they really mean is that it’s pale so it’s better. (One woman even straight up said to her daughter, “Wouldn’t you rather have Jana’s skin?” as if the obvious answer was yes.) Those sentiments that are negative are even more harmful as they directly and violently oppress the people they are directed towards. And it all stems from a place of ignorance and fear.

Can’t we just let people be who they are for once…?

Peace vs. Growth

The following are two different sets of quotes, all said by people that I highly respect.

---

“If you remain neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor. If an elephant has his foot on the tail of a mouse and you say that you are neutral, the mouse will not appreciate your neutrality.

-Bishop Desmond Tutu

Ïf you cannot fly then run, if you can´t run then walk, if you can´t walk then crawl, but whatever you do, you have to keep moving forward.¨

-Martin Luther King Jr.

----

“If you are pushing yourself and others around, you have not yet found the secret of happiness. Know that things are okay as they are. This moment is as perfect as it can be…When we are manipulating, changing, controlling, and fixing, we have not reached enlightenment. The calculating mind is the opposite of the contemplative mind.”

-Richard Rohr

“I call you during these days to sit under a tree and be quiet and to learn that it’s okay to be the way you are.”

-Jean Vanier

---

While all of these statements are beautiful, they seem to be contradictory. How can you be at peace, while also struggling to make things better? How do you tranquilly accept the reality while also recognizing that we must continue searching for answers, moving forward, and challenging ourselves and the world to improve?

I have been thinking about this a lot especially lately. I would say that I am finally at a point in my time here in Nicaragua that not everyday is a struggle. In general I feel happy and at peace. For example, we recently went on a 3 day silent retreat to Laguna de Apoyo (a breathtaking crater lake outside of Managua). Normally I would use this time to try and sort out some big question or confusion or difficulty that I am experiencing here, but for some reason I just found myself being happy, content, thankful, and at peace in the moment. At first I felt guilty, like I wasn´t taking advantage of this time to reflect. But then I realized that what I was feeling was beautiful, and that I should just let it happen.

But after retreat we each had a phone conversation with the JVC office, and some of the questions were about growth--where would we like to grow in our next few months here in Nicaragua? This stumped me a bit. I know so much of being here is about growth, and it is true that I have grown in so many ways. Our community even has a phrase for all those challenging growing moments: AFGO…(Another Freaking Growth Opportunity). :) But how do I incorporate that struggle and growth into my life without losing the inner peace? How do I challenge myself to be better and still lovingly accept the finite human being that I know I am? Where is the line between peaceful acceptance and complacency? And then even if I SOMEHOW discern these answers for myself…applying it to the world around me gets even more complicated and tricky! How do I challenge others but also love and accept them for where they are at?

Maybe part of the answer is that even though we are at peace, we still must be awake and paying attention. I just read that Buddha in Sanskrit means ¨I Am Awake.¨ We must have our eyes, ears, hearts, and minds open to ourselves and the world around us, noticing the stirrings and happenings in both. Peace and tranquility must not mean inaction or stagnancy. I suppose a truly at peace person would move forward and grow by seeing a challenge, simply recognizing it as a reality, and then moving forward with the next correct action without harsh judgment or negativity towards themselves or others. It simply is, and we simply must react. And maybe when it comes to that step of challenging others, we just have to make sure that no matter what, the challenge comes from a place a love—not fear or anger or needing to be right—but rather a genuine love for that person and wanting them to find a better version of themselves or a better way to deal with a situation. 

But whatever the actual answer is, I do know that during my time here in Nicaragua I have felt the truth that can be found in each of those previous quotes. I am still trying to figure out how to meld the two together and find the balance and harmony that I know must exist there between acceptance and growth, but hopefully one day I will make it there..or at least close. :)

I’ll leave you with a couple quotes also. :)

“ You must not worry if those around you aren’t doing their best. Just worry about how to make yourself worthy. Doing your best is the surest way to remind those around you to do their best. But to be worthy requires the continuing practice of mindfulness. Only by this practice will we not lose ourselves but acquire a bright joy and peace.”

-Thich Nhat Han

“We cannot do everything, and there is a sense of liberation in realizing that. This enables us to do something, and to do it very well. It may be incomplete, but it is a beginning, a step along the way, an opportunity for the Lord’s grace to enter and do the rest.”

-Archbishop Oscar Romero

(man I just realized that all of those quotes are from men….I have to go read some Dorothy Day or something…)