This week the topics of white privilege and
U.S. imperialism came up a lot, and I’ve been thinking about them a great deal.
I have started to wonder if me being here in Nicaragua just supports both of
these. I feel like all my reasons for choosing to volunteer abroad rather than
in my own country are all selfish, and in the end I will actually do less for
the world than if I had done JVC national. Yes, I am learning a lot about
myself and about the world, but what am I really actually doing here? I feel like
I’m just wasting space and money. Wouldn’t it be better if I had stayed in my
own country where I could actually have a say on justice and political issues?
Wouldn’t it be better if they took all the money that JVC is spending on me
being here and instead used it to employ a Nicaraguan who may actually be able
to do my job better? I feel so confused. I really love being here in Nicaragua,
but am I just taking advantage of my white privilege and playing into U.S.
imperialism? By being here, am I just making Nicaragua more dependent on U.S.
charity, reinforcing this idea that Nicaragua is helpless and that they need
the big strong U.S. to come in and “fix” everything? Where is the search for
self-sustentation in my job so that maybe one day volunteers won’t need to come
here anymore? That’s the big picture, right?...to make it so that one day
Nicaragua will not need foreign volunteers?
The only thing that I have found comfort in
is just trying to form relationships with people—equal, loving relationships.
As a white foreigner here, this is usually difficult because no matter what,
people tend to see me as something special, but I am still trying. Some of the
relationships that I am forming with women in my banks are beautiful. I like to
think that they would shower me with the love and care they give me no matter
what skin color I wore. I just hope I can make them feel as worthy and loved as
they make me feel each day. I think this is going to be my main goal for the
rest of my time here in Nicaragua. If I can help at least one person feel loved
and cared for, then maybe all the money JVC is spending on me will be worth it.
Jana, I understand your thougts exactly. But if no one from here went then no one could educate all those that are ignorant of the plight of imperialism. When you come back you can be a beacon of light that shines. You are also being an example there that we are not all alike here. Keeping hope alive that we can be one global community. ;) Beth
ReplyDeleteNooo don't think like that! We can't help it that we are born into comfort while others are born into poverty. That's for God to decide. What we can decide, though, is what to do with the opportunities we are fortunate enough to pursue. We are foregoing comfort and financial opportunity to go where God calls us and experience what life is like for those who are less fortunate. Even if there's only so much we can do, the experiences will change us and hopefully affect some of the people we work with.
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